So I have another fear to face tomorrow….. returning to work…..
This shouldn’t be scary but it kind of is! I left work in August 2015 when it became clear the low dose chemotherapy i was having wasn’t working and I could no longer mentally cope with work and illness. So it has been more than 18 months I have been off, and although physically I’m ready, mentally I’m still not sure!!
So many things going through my mind right now…….
- How do I answer questions from people? i.e. “Are you all better now?” “How are you?” – its never a simple answer – one day i’m good, then next not so good…. most days I feel like a nap by about 3/4pm!
- How do I deal with all the people? – Last week proved to me that I do find it draining being around people and this might be worse in a work environment
- What do I say to the people I have lost contact with over the last year? – some of these people used to be my good mates, but through losing work we have lost contact. Mostly because I found it too hard to try and keep in contact with everyone at work, when it was somewhere that I wanted to be.
- Will my brain work???? – Will I be able to focus for more than half an hour on something?
- Will I remember all the new peoples names???
- What do I blooming wear?!?!?!? – The dress code has changed to smart/casual rather than smart. Just gone through my wardrobe and I obviously don’t own anything that suits this criteria!! One extreme to the other…. pretty sure ripped jeans and doc martins are a bit too far to the casual side!!
- The commute…… errghh!!
- How much will people expect of me? – Will it be difficult to manage peoples expectations?
- Do I even want to go back?!?!
Luckily my work have been amazing. With the support of my manager, Working Towards Wellbeing, Anthony Nolan and occupational health we have planned a really slow phased return. Previously I have done a standard 6 week return, but this just isn’t appropriate this time around.
Firstly I don’t want to go back full time, not in 2017 anyway, so we are doing a build up to 3 days a week. Tomorrow I am just going in for a few hours. Collecting my laptop, meeting people, finding out a bit more about the job I’m going to be doing. Initially I will be doing some internal work to get me back into the swing of it again. Then I will do a second day of a few hours working from home. From there we will build it up, mixing up office time and working from home. Then it will be decision time on whether I move back to London – but I think that decision will be a while in the future yet! – I have to say that nothing is really driving me to move back at the moment (other than swing dancing of course!!)
Plan for today – sort out my outfit….. pack my stuff… and chill out with the dog and grey’s anatomy binge!! Settle myself ready for tomorrow!! Wish me luck!!