So errrrr I’ve only gone and got the funding for my second transplant!!!

Letter from the IFR confirming funding..... it seems I'm lucky to have lived as long as I have!
Letter from the IFR confirming funding….. it seems I’m lucky to have lived as long as I have!

But why don’t I feel happier?!?! I even feel a bit guilty that I don’t feel as happy as I should! Almost feels like a bit of an anticlimax. It is fantastic news that I’ve got the funding and now I’ve got a chance to survive, however the prospect of going through transplant again is terrifying!!! I expected to be much happier than this, but I think its now made the idea of treatment all a bit more real. The other scary thought is that this is probably my last shot at beating this horrid disease and getting back to good health.

The doctors will be discussing my case on tuesday and then it will be the hunt for a bone marrow donor.

So now I’ve got to prep myself for the intensive chemo and then the months of recovery……. but hopefully it will all be worth it and in 2016 I will be coming back fighting!!!

On a different note (and because I know she will be disappointed to not be part of my blog) I let the newly qualified nurse Stella have a go at stabbing me today. Only her second time taking blood and she got me to bleed first time, very impressed. Hoping this makes up for the amount I’ve been winding her up over the last few weeks!!! ah ha ha!!

Chemo wise its day 3 so I had my second bag of daunorubicin and I am starting to feel the effects. After a walk outside I was feel nauseous and really tired, but overall I’m still doing really well. Been tugging at my hair too and it seems to be staying put for the time being!! ha ha

12 thoughts on “So errrrr I’ve only gone and got the funding for my second transplant!!!

  1. Pat Wilson

    What wonderful news Emma. I can understand the fear and trepidation but what if they had denied you the treatment? At least you are considered a good risk. So, go for it girl!!

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    1. Yes I know Pat, you speak sense, I am of course glad it wasn’t rejected! But I just remember how nasty a process it was last time and I think I will get stronger chemo this time. Anyway, one step at a time!! Next job is to find a donor!! I will fight as hard as I can though!! xx

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  2. Diana Lockyer

    This is really marvellous news Emma. I can understand that you are feeling a bit strange. As you have already had a transplant you know what is involved and it must be daunting. However, you are a very courageous, intelligent, special woman who faces up to each challenge with your usual humour. We will all be with you all the way.

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  3. Sarah Carroll

    Emma!!! That’s fantastic news, and prayers have been answered! You are so within your rights to have this reaction though, and you are entirely justified and allowed to feel this way. You know what’s in store now, no more of the waiting game. I can’t tell you how much support you have around you- support that you don’t even know about. My lovely church community are praying for you and dedicating a mass to you, to channel even more strength your way, and to ask God to carry you through all of this and out the other side 🙂 Lots of love and keep those blogs coming, to get your feelings out there. You are so brave and fabulous; I love your honesty. Sarah xx

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  4. Sarah Reakes

    Fantastic News Emma, I’m so so pleased for you. All your feelings are absolutely understandable. You have been on such an emotional roller coaster waiting for this decision, and now that you’ve won this battle, you are bound to feel daunted at the prospect of going through the treatment all over again. Sometimes ignorance is bliss and of course, you’ve already done it once but that doesn’t mean that it will be the same. My intensive chemotherapy was DA the same as you (20 January 2015), followed by a sibling allogenic reduced intensity stem cell transplant (12 March 2015) and I did suffer with all of the side affects that I was warned about but that doesn’t mean that you will have the same reaction. It varies so much from one person to another. During my treatment I met up with someone I used to work with who also had MDS which had progressed to AML, and she had gone through the same treatment except hers was an unrelated donor, and she had hardly any of the side affects. Also experiencing the side affects is not necessarily such a bad thing as far as the success of the transplant is concerned as I was home 13 days following my transplant as my neutrophils recovered so quickly, it’s just that you need to prepare yourself that you will feel like s**t for a period of time. You’re made of strong stuff, and you just need to learn to try and give yourself time to heal and not be in such a rush to do normal things; make sure you have things to keep yourself occupied (you mentioned you do knitting) as all these things help you to fill time and to relax. Don’t forget you’re allowed to have wobbly days when you wonder what the hell life is all about; it’s just not possible to keep up being so strong all the time – cut yourself some slack! We are with you on your journey. I’m thinking and praying for you Emma. xx

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  5. Jenny

    Brilliant news Emma!! I’m so pleased to hear it. And it’s quite natural to have mixed feelings after all the waiting and uncertainty. No need to feel guilty at all!

    Please keep posting so we can follow your progress. We’re with you all the way xx

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  6. Ros Henshaw

    Oh Emma this is just wonderful news. Our thoughts are with you constantly. You are an absolutely beautiful amazing person.
    Ros and Peter Henshaw

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  7. Benedicte

    Hi Emma,

    That’s great news, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. We are all with you. Keep fighting, keep smiling, you’re nearly there. xx

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